awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
40s are totally the cure
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
