if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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