So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
