i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize