i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
