I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
