dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
