I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
