i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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