He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize