This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
