I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
