I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
