hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
