pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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