Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
