i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
