Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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