My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
