I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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