If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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