Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You work out of a Hotel?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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