Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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