I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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