just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
