Soap is not a condiment
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
