god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
