Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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