Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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