you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
