you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
