I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
