I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
