I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me I should be a condom model.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize