Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
