Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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