I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
