The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
