I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
