I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
