i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize