it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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