im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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