i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
