Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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