she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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