last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize