now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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