we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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