yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
