WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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