the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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