My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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