3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
