Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize