it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
