I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is Oprah even human
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
