First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize