i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
