I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
