We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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