you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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