two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
