I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
