I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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