Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The feeling are messing with the penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
