I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
