filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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