Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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