called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
