I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
