I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
