Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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