I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize