I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize