the day after is always just damage control
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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