how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
