i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
