we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
