the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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