Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
