She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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