You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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