I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this boner is exhausting
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
