One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
